Seriously Florida Funny Legal Issues In Florida

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Prostitute Or Unlicensed Masseuse

Should You Be A Prostitute Or An Unlicensed Masseuse
If these were your only two options which one would you choose?

If you asked your parents they would say start massaging but if you ask your defense attorney they would say start hooking. If your license is inactive for a period of 12 months or greater practicing as a masseuse without a license is a 3rd degree felony punishable by up to 5 years in prison. It is considered the unlicensed practice of a health care profession under Florida Statute 456.065(2). The problem is this is a level 7 offense. If you’re not a defense attorney that means prison baby. First time up straight out of the choir you score. Here's the math 56 points (then run the standard formula) - 28 X .75 = 21 months in prison. You have the same score as a sexual predator working where children regularly congregate 775.21(10)(b) (excluding the prior offense), Aggravated battery using deadly weapon, Procuring any person under 16 years for prostitution 796.03. Some other similar scoring offenses are manslaughter 782.07(1), vehicular homicide 782.071 and of course selling a hearing aid without a license 484.053. *some of the offenses would score additional injury and death points*

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Why You Should Be A Hooker Instead Of An Unlicensed Masseuse

Under Florida Statute 796.07 The first time you get caught for prostitution you get a misdemeanor of the second degree punishable by up to 6 months of probation or up to 60 days in jail. The second time you get caught hooking it is a misdemeanor of the first degree punishable by up to 12 months of probation or up to 364 days in jail. The third offense is a 3 degree felony and a level 1 offense scoring 4 points. It takes 44 points to score automatic prison. The kicker is a person who is charged with a third or subsequent violation of the prostitution section shall be offered admission to a pretrial intervention program or a substance-abuse treatment program. Basically if you get caught hooking a third time the state has to let you do a pre-trial program and if you complete it drop the case. Some judges let them reduce to a misdemeanor and go forward with jail.

To sum it up clearly the Florida legislature would rather you have sex for money than giving an unlicensed shoulder rub for money. She shoulder rub gets you 21 months in prison and prostitution gets you a max of 60 days jail. If you get caught in a massage sting clearly you should immediately attempt to have sex with the officer and deny that you were going to massage him. If you are caught in a prostitution sting the worst thing you can do is claim that you were only going to give the officer a message.
This is for amusement purposes and does not constitute legal advice. The author does not condone or encourage prostitution or massage without a license.

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